Tucking my first born in, it was apparent.
I was struggling. The sleepless nights, the sore breasts, the sheer exhaustion of being a new Mum, it had taken its toll, and it was real - very very real. The baby blues had hit.
Rocking a baby to sleep that didn't want to sleep, was the ticking point. It made an emotion arouse that I never imagined in my life that I would ever feel, especially towards my own flesh and blood, my own child that I had birthed.
With tears rolling down my cheeks and my two week old daughter hanging from my arm, I tapped into my phone "Symptoms of baby blues and depression two weeks after birth". I was shocked to see soooo many Mums that had typed the same as me into Mumsnet. The pit of my stomach was filled with a sick feeling as the first symptom said 'feelings of not being good enough for newborn baby'.. Oh my god its me, what a hideous person I am. I was meant to be a Mum, I was meant to feel maternal and amazing 24/7.
After a week or two had past, and I had gotten over the sore boob stage, things were looking up, I was happier, and so was my daughter. At weigh in one week, she had gained one pound and I felt like i'd conquered the world.
At six months old, the sleep regression started, and my nights became long and exhausting again, and I felt the gloomy days looming over me yet again. This time I was convinced I was just tired, and it would be okay. Things would improve and then take a dip, and I would once again feel like I was failing, I was rocking a bigger baby, but the feelings were the same.
Tucking the 2nd baby in, I was determined to crush the demon of the baby blues, and tell myself that this time, I would be an amazing Mum and battle the feelings, but with mastitis and my son getting frustrated with my milk flow, it returned for the 2nd most important time of my life. 4 weeks after having my second baby the realisation of having two children kicked in, and the feelings cropped up, and this time I felt like I was failing as a parent to my eldest, I was too busy with my newborn and I wasn't being the Mum that I should of been. To add to the stress I felt that me and my partner were drifting.. I needed that like a kick in the teeth. The struggle was real, again.
Now, I am nearly 4 months post baby, and I have come to the conclusion, at no point was I a failure, and at no point was I failing. I was a new Mum and I was struggling, and even for the second time, I was a new Mum again.
One thing is for sure though, I'd always been made to understand that those "baby blue" days would pass, and they may well do, but they may come again. So no matter how much you feel like your doing a bad job because you are feeling stressed and hopeless, remember that you aren't your doing great.
Give yourselves a break, and a pat on the back after all this parenting lark is hard work.
x
I was struggling. The sleepless nights, the sore breasts, the sheer exhaustion of being a new Mum, it had taken its toll, and it was real - very very real. The baby blues had hit.
Rocking a baby to sleep that didn't want to sleep, was the ticking point. It made an emotion arouse that I never imagined in my life that I would ever feel, especially towards my own flesh and blood, my own child that I had birthed.
With tears rolling down my cheeks and my two week old daughter hanging from my arm, I tapped into my phone "Symptoms of baby blues and depression two weeks after birth". I was shocked to see soooo many Mums that had typed the same as me into Mumsnet. The pit of my stomach was filled with a sick feeling as the first symptom said 'feelings of not being good enough for newborn baby'.. Oh my god its me, what a hideous person I am. I was meant to be a Mum, I was meant to feel maternal and amazing 24/7.
After a week or two had past, and I had gotten over the sore boob stage, things were looking up, I was happier, and so was my daughter. At weigh in one week, she had gained one pound and I felt like i'd conquered the world.
At six months old, the sleep regression started, and my nights became long and exhausting again, and I felt the gloomy days looming over me yet again. This time I was convinced I was just tired, and it would be okay. Things would improve and then take a dip, and I would once again feel like I was failing, I was rocking a bigger baby, but the feelings were the same.
Tucking the 2nd baby in, I was determined to crush the demon of the baby blues, and tell myself that this time, I would be an amazing Mum and battle the feelings, but with mastitis and my son getting frustrated with my milk flow, it returned for the 2nd most important time of my life. 4 weeks after having my second baby the realisation of having two children kicked in, and the feelings cropped up, and this time I felt like I was failing as a parent to my eldest, I was too busy with my newborn and I wasn't being the Mum that I should of been. To add to the stress I felt that me and my partner were drifting.. I needed that like a kick in the teeth. The struggle was real, again.
Now, I am nearly 4 months post baby, and I have come to the conclusion, at no point was I a failure, and at no point was I failing. I was a new Mum and I was struggling, and even for the second time, I was a new Mum again.
One thing is for sure though, I'd always been made to understand that those "baby blue" days would pass, and they may well do, but they may come again. So no matter how much you feel like your doing a bad job because you are feeling stressed and hopeless, remember that you aren't your doing great.
Give yourselves a break, and a pat on the back after all this parenting lark is hard work.
x
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