The Mum Caked In Crap

Just going to jump right in ... 1. YOU HATE YOUR PARTNER - yup, you have a new found hatred for someone you thought you once loved, as you lay there rocking your baby to sleep for the 400th time, and you hear snoring. You consider packing his bags 2. YOU WANT TO SMACK ANYONE WHO SAYS YOU HAVE IT "EASY" - yes, we've all heard it. "I would rather be staying at home all day" - ahhh yes Margaret because that's what I do, stay at home drinking coffee and doing nothing else. Shut up!!!! 3. YOU MESSAGE A FRIEND WITH A BABY TOO ABOUT HOW TIRED YOU ARE - doesn't matter if it's 1,2,3,4,5 am there is always a friend that's up and you can always count on them to make you feel better for the fact you are sat at the end of your bed crying into a burp cloth 4. YOU WANT TO DISOWN ANYONE WHO SAYS THEIR BABY SLEPT ALL NIGHT - doesn't matter if it's your best mate, family, or someone you love with all of your heart, if they say those words, your out...

Yep, I did.  My little (well 13lb) seven week old baby stayed a full night at Nana and Grandad's on Saturday night, and i'm in no way ashamed to tell you all.  I was absolutely riddled with guilt as soon as I drove off, which is the worst feeling in the world. I felt like I didn't deserve the break, that it was a burden to my parents, and that I was the worst Mum in the world. It took me a good two hours to not feel tense, but with a couple of drinks down the hatch I started to loosen up. I have to tell you, I had such a lovely evening, BUT there was a serious issue... With leaving a good supply of milk behind with my Mum for my bottomless pit of a stomach baby I was feeling empty-boobed (new word I have made) So we get to our event at about 8pm, after attempting to take about 300 selfies, which by the way I have totally lost my knack for so much so that my best friend was in stitches at my pathetic attempt to pose, anyway.. At around 10.30pm I could feel my b...

Another day, another poo stain on my hand.  I know what your thinking, beats going on the carpet, yes true, very true.  Today we had tears and tantrums, hysterical laughing fits and a trip out of the play room door straight onto the patio (SHES OKAY) thank goodness. Faith has been enjoying planting on the vegetable patch with Daddy, and I've been inside with a very unsettled baby. My hair has been a mess, and quite frankly so has everything.  Dinner was non existent tonight, Faith had pasta that she didn't eat, I had the leftover pasta, and Daddy had a bag of microwave rice, so there were no delicious roasts floating around in this household today. Not through laziness, through the fact I couldn't be bloody bothered, oh wait.. is that the same thing?   Can someone please please please tell me how I can get my darling gorgeous sweet little 7 week old to go for longer than 1 hour in the night between feeds? Pretty soon my tits are going to be swinging...

To be honest, even if you aren't a Mum you can use these.  I absolutely love penny pinching programmes. I'm forever taking tips from them and making them into my own to suit my family. From meal ideas to things just for us Mums, here are my top 10. 1) "Delete meat twice a week" - My daughter who is 3 isn't great at eating meats anyway, so this makes no difference to her atall, but we ditched chicken in our fajitas and didn't miss it at all. You can even ditch meat in you're roasts! I know it seems criminal but to save some pennies its so worth it. On average changing to meat free only 2 days a week saves us around £10!  2) Coconut Oil is god - not literally but you get the idea. I use it for everythingggggg, I really mean it to. Its fantastic for removing make up, moisturising everyone, on a damp cloth ( small amount) it makes THE most amazing wood polish. 3) Be willing to try supermarket brands - I have never been a supermarket snob, but I have al...

Hahahahahahaha. Is it bedtime yet?  Remember when your health visitor came at the 2 and 6 week checks and said "are you establishing a routine now?" and you replied "Yes, oh yes definitely the baby is really slotting into our routine so well it feels like they have been here forever" Yet really your screaming silently "ROUTINE ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH, THIS CHILD FEEDS 24/7, I CANT REMEMBER WHAT BEDTIME EVEN IS, AND I'M UNSURE IF I HAVE SHOWERED SINCE THEY'VE BEEN BORN" Why are we so set on routines? Why at baby groups are we talking to other Mums about how excellent or how poor our babies are sleeping through the night? Or how you struggle to do the housework before guests come over? Or discussing how your baby isn't feeding at the same times that other Mums babies are. Why am I typing into Google "How to get into a routine with a 6 week old baby"  Sod the flipping routine. I've tried it. Hard. I've tried doing the ho...

I genuinely asked him these questions, here are his responses, he wasn't very informative but here we go.. What was your true feeling when I told you back in 2013 that I was pregnant (we were both 19)? I didnt think it was real, I was shocked. Can you remember how I told you I was pregnant, and where were you?  It was over the phone whilst I was at work   When we found out for the second time that we were expecting (planned)  did you worry about how we would cope with a second little hurricane?  I knew it was gonna be very hard work, but each year will get easier wont it?    What did you honestly think of me whilst I was pregnant? Did you like my greasy hair haha?  You were very hormonal come the end of the pregnancy, I tended to just stay out of your way. As for your hair I knew you weren't going to look very glamorous while you had your head down the toilet half the time, but it didn't bother me Did the thought of me giving bir...

From the moment my daughter popped out I heard it.  Have another. When will you have another? What age gap do you think you'll have?  Do you both want another, Would you like a boy next? It would be lovely for Faith to have a sister, do you think you would have another girl?  Yes we wanted another, but I was still meddling in this beautiful new child that I had created and given birth to, I couldn't help but feel like she just wasn't enough for all of the people banging on in my ear about another.  Well when we announced then that we were to expect a second bundle it wasn't the questions people were asking that were bothering me, it was what they were telling me that made me panic.. the phrase I heard over and over "Are you crazy you'll have your hands full with two, its hard work".  As soon as the test told me I was pregnant with my second I was already riddled with guilt so to feel such pressure with people making comments about the expectant...

Here are some parenting hacks that we've come up with and that we use in our everyday routines.. and that we would not be without!  Bath chair hangs on the towel hook in the bathroom - now obviously we have to let it dry in the sink first but it saves so much space (we only have a small bathroom)   Cotton wools hangs on a suction cup on the shower screen- When bathing a baby the last thing you can do is run off to hunt for more cotton wool, this works really well   Bath toy storage with holes - So much easier than having to dry off each item, we let it drain in the empty bath and then we put it onto the sides   Cot tidy for nighttimes - Hangs on the side of newborns crib filled with spare clothes, a spare crib sheet, nappies and wipes and a dummy. All easy an accessible in case of nighttime accidents Jar for hairbands and hairclips - You dont ever have to loose any of your childs hair accessories ever again! Get jammies ready in the morning - Eve...

The journey of breastfeeding.. we're made to feel like it's going to be a totally easy ride. Where we snuggle into our babies and they draw milk perfectly from our breasts at every occasion. Well let me tell you, I've been on two breastfeeding journeys now, and that has not been the case for me. So you leave the hospital with this perfect bundle, thinking you already have the perfect latch, and that your baby is feeding from you like your already a pro. You may of even done the same as me, watched numerous YouTube videos on "how to" and looked at pictures on Google of the perfect technique. There are things that are left in the shade about feeding your baby though. Sore nipples will be the Bain of your life for the first week, and you will begin wondering if that pain is actually worse than labour, but I promise that will get better. Smear nipple cream on after every single feed and feel it's magic. It maybe also worth mentioning this part.. When your milk...

Ahhhhh, Rupert slept for 4 hours last night. The longest length he's ever slept in 5 weeks, I feel half human today. I am unsure if it was down to his last bottle being formula and gaviscon, but whatever it was I hope it happens again. Such an amazing feeling when your used to seeing the clock only change an hour, and you wake to such an extreme jump!  My daughter was a pretty decent sleeper from about 2 weeks she would maybe go every 4 hours and then wake for a feed, which was way more manageable then every hour! I changed Faith to an evening bottle of formula at 8 weeks, so even though Rupert is a little younger I feel we're making the right decision.  Now for the most exiting news of the day the poo stain is out of the carpet! After goodness knows how many times of attempting it, it has finally come out. Not with carpet cleaner for humans though... thankfully my Dad owns a pet shop and supplied me with some awesome dog poo stain remover. It worked so well that i've ...

Today I was a big brave mummy, and I left my baby with his Nana for 4 hours! Some people will bash me for that, but I desperately needed new clothes and was intending for it to be a dash in and out job, turns out an 11lb baby can suck the life from your body and slim you right down. Even if Boots BMI and weight scales do say I'm overweight but let's just forget about that bit. It's funny how going out for a waffle (a very delicious one I may add)  and scrambling through the sale rail in Primark felt like a date for me and my partner. It's rare that we aren't just discussing our daughters bowel movements or flipping a coin over who does the crappy nappy. The whole time we were there we were just feeling totally guilty and even found ourselves rushing our desserts, parenthoods guilt card is a pain in the arse. My Mum had a fab time looking after my little baby, my big baby goes every weekend to Nana and Grandads and has done since she was around 11 months old...

Urgh, have I been hit by a bus? Oh no I've just had no sleep.  I actually tapped into google, "How many hours sleep is essential, will I be okay on 45 minutes  " turns out I couldn't find an answer, so i'm guessing that sums that one up. Yesterday was a total struggle, and it really wasn't made easier by having to wait in the doctors for nearly an hour and a half. Rupert has been terribly (what I thought was congested) turns out that actually he has reflux and acid sick is getting trapped, charminggggg. So with a prescription for baby gaviscon I headed out the door of the doctors feeling like I had actually achieved something. Actually I felt like I achieved a lot because we were both dressed, and I finally had an answer for my irritable baby, but my supermum mood was soon crushed as I went to open the pharmacy door, and it was shut, Yay! We'll have to wait until tomorrow, so another night of hell was looming upon us.  Faith asked me what felt like 4 ...

Short story ..  Once upon a time in the Pippin house, the fruit bowl was empty, the dishes were piled up 5 plates high, the children were in their pyjamas, the 3 year old had Jaffa cakes and quavers for breakfast, all whilst mummykins told a fib to a friend that they were "busy" today. Did mummy give a crap? No mummy didn't, because mummy was frigging exhausted. Guess what though? Nobody noticed that mummy was a shitty mummy that day though, because 3 year old still cuddled and kissed her all day long. The 5 week old still depended on her to keep him alive, and when Daddy returned home he didn't complain about the beans on toast for tea. #wingit ♥

The title says it all. Literally. . On the 6th April this year, we left our family home of 3 at 10.30am and we returned home at 4.30pm to a home which was now a home for 4. The look of horror on my Daughters face when she returned home from her Nanny's was completely heart wrenching. As soon as I heard her feet hitting the hallway floor my heart was racing in anticipation that my two beautiful children were about to meet each-other for the first time. Let me explain first what I had envisioned and then we'll get onto what actually happened.. I had visions of Faith bursting through the door and wanting to hold her fresh sibling immediately, I also had visions of their first cuddle, the most amazing picture we would ever take in our lifetimes. My cousin had given birth only a few days before me and her son took to their new daughter amazing and I was totally expecting the same, but our response was very different. Whats worse is that I recorded the whole eve...

What do you get when life gives you a 5 week old? Shat on. Its funny isnt it, how someone can do a massive crap on you and it gives you inspiration to write a blog about how charming parenthood can sometimes be.  I am in no way a perfect parent, far from it. The job isn't easy, and sometimes it can be thoroughly exhausting. I've been a Mother since 2014 well.. 2013 if the pregnancy counts too! In 2017 I went crazy and added a Son to our family, so double the trouble, the poo and wee, the sickness bugs and the sleepless nights.  With Faith my eldest being 3 now, day to day life has taken a significantly different direction since baby brother Poopey Rupey arrived (Rupert) 5 weeks ago. Things are nowhere near as easy now, everything is twice the work, and as for the washing; I could write a whole page on how much of a pain in the rear end that is. Fairy non bio is far from cheap, and what a load of tosh '72 washes' yes if your washing clothes for ants!...